HOW'S MY DRIVING?/OPT-OUT
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APPLICATION [THISAVROU]
OUT OF CHARACTER
Player Name: Jack!
Are you 16 or older: Affirmative!
Contact:![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
TheMightySpazz
Current Characters: N/A!
Tag: Sterling Archer
IN CHARACTER
Name: Sterling Malory Archer
Canon: Archer
Canon Point: Immediately before S4E12
Age: Mid-30s.
History:
Wiki link’s right here!
Personality:
Sterling Malory Archer is a study in contradictions.
On one hand, he is as bumbling and incompetent as ISIS field agents come.
His predilection to womanizing, alcoholism, and gambling has put a consistent strain on his ISIS operations accounts and has put more than one ISIS operation in jeopardy (such as the time he almost gambled away all of his coworker’s 401k accounts in Monaco, or the time where he actively sabotaged a kidnapping attempt on a suspected people-smuggler in order to hit on her).
He is rude and brusque at the best of times, and openly hostile and boorish at the worst. He lacks the common sense God gave a four-year-old and is consistently unprepared for missions (by his own admission, he rarely reads his mission briefings and once took a cooler full of beer and kebabs on a mission to stop an ecoterrorist from blowing up a natural gas pipeline).
He is petty and ungracious, and once let a spy from a rival agency drop three stories and shatter his femur just because he tore the sleeve on Archer’s suit. By all accounts, he is an overgrown manchild with mommy issues out the wahzoo who should not be trusted with a credit card or car keys, much less a license to kill.
On the other, there are times where he is surprisingly competent in earning his keep as the world’s greatest secret agent.
He displays an almost savant-like aptitude for the technical aspects of the profession, as shown when he single-handedly defends the daughter of a German billionaire from an attempted kidnapping by dozens of communist agents, or when he goes on a rampage to destroy the mob operation supplying fake chemotherapy compounds to hundreds of ailing cancer patients, or when he organizes his co-workers into participating in an elaborate ruse against dozens of armed henchmen from a rival intelligence agency in an effort to stop a buyout, or when he takes over a pirate ship and makes himself king of its home port…the list goes on and on, really. It makes one wonder just what kind of agent he would be if he gave half a shit about the job.
He’s also not entirely without compassion, as shown when he lets a handful of border patrol agents onto an already overloaded sedan full of Mexican immigrants rather than letting them die of exposure, and is surprisingly well-read for someone who acts so moronically, referencing authors such as O. Henry, Herman Melville, Thoreau, and historical figures such as Eugene Debs. He is also shown to have something of a nerdy side, as he occasionally references Marvel comics and Lord of the Rings characters in casual conversation.
Throughout it all, no matter how good or bad things get, he maintains a consistent sense of arrogance and pomposity, an attitude born of his extreme privilege, wealth, and luck. Many have tried to make him eat humble pie, and just as many have failed.
Just what will make him mend his ways and come out of his narcissistic, self-serving bubble? That, friends, is a question for the ages.
(But it'll probably start with a good swift kick to the balls.)
Setting:
He was told there would bepunch and pie callgirls and booze.
Take him away from his penthouse, his butler, ISIS, and his mother’s money, and Sterling doesn’t really have a day-to-day. Now that he’ll actually be forced to work (gasp!), he’ll probably take on something of a freelancer tack, gravitating to jobs and characters that could make the most use of his skillset. He will be easily swayed by money, women, and alcohol, as his moral compass won’t really kick in unless he’s asked to do something truly heinous (for example, he won’t steal some granny’s life savings or kidnap a kid just because the money’s good).
Abilities/Skills:
Archer is a normal(-ish) dude with no superpowers or superhuman abilities to his name. Despite that, he is (questionably) proficient in many tradecraft-related skills that would be fitting for a secret agent of his caliber, such as covert infiltration/exfiltration, hand-to-hand combat, tactical driving, asset acquisition and management, and other such covert-ops related skills.
Strengths/Weaknesses:
Strengths:
Archer has an almost godlike ability to flake, scheme, and/or bamboozle his way out of pretty much any situation you put him in. The Sendero Luminoso, the Stasi, Hamas, the KGB, this guy he knows named Popeye - all of them and more have tried to put Archer either in a bamboo-shoot cell or a shallow grave, and all have failed.
(He’d call it “luck of the Irish”, but he’s pretty sure that that’s not all it’s cracked up to be, what with all the potato famines and the PIRA and the Troubles and their genetic inclination to gingerness. Also, he’s not Irish.)
Part of it is genuine competence that kicks in at the best of times. Part of it is - well. Stupidly insane amounts of luck.
Weaknesses:
At the same time, Archer has an almost godlike ability for self-sabotage, botching tactical operations, and otherwise tripping over his own dick on account of his - well, dickishness. His attitude and personality turn many people off to working with him, and there’s also the fact that he’s really not as good a field agent as he could be. If he could just get his ego under control, he’d probably be a great field agent!
But fat chance of that happening.
Like, ever.
Items:
-Walther PPK chambered in .32 ACP in his suit
-a pocket flask full of Glengoolie Blue scotch
-Walther TPH chambered in .22 LR in his underwear (yes really)
-a precisely tailored Savile Row suit and shirt
-Thai silk necktie (spun of the silk of the Saturniidae silkworm)
-exquisitely handmade Italian leather shoes from the shop of the legendary cordwainer Antonio Carbone de Casa di Scarpe Carbone
SAMPLES
Network Sample:
[Sterling Malory Archer does not keep a Facebook page. Sterling Malory Archer does not need a Facebook page. If he wanted to see what a bunch of vapid idiots were up to, he’d watch The View. (Okay, cheap shot and done to death, but still.)
But anyway. This network thing. It’s like social media on Earth, so he can figure it out well enough, right? He’s going to need to - it’s his first day here, and he’s already pretty lost.
Here’s hoping Woodhouse came along for the trip.]
Hey. Has anybody seen my butler? Looks kind of like - I don’t know, the bastard child of Dobby and Harry Patch?
If you have, tell him to meet me in the Ingress, because he’s already late for my morning Bloody Mary.
Actually, just tell me where he is and I’ll come to you.
[with a bunch of extra-coarse sand to rub in his dead little eyes, oh yes sir]
Prose/Action Sample: With Garrett on the TDM!
Player Name: Jack!
Are you 16 or older: Affirmative!
Contact:
Current Characters: N/A!
Tag: Sterling Archer
IN CHARACTER
Name: Sterling Malory Archer
Canon: Archer
Canon Point: Immediately before S4E12
Age: Mid-30s.
History:
Wiki link’s right here!
Personality:
Sterling Malory Archer is a study in contradictions.
On one hand, he is as bumbling and incompetent as ISIS field agents come.
His predilection to womanizing, alcoholism, and gambling has put a consistent strain on his ISIS operations accounts and has put more than one ISIS operation in jeopardy (such as the time he almost gambled away all of his coworker’s 401k accounts in Monaco, or the time where he actively sabotaged a kidnapping attempt on a suspected people-smuggler in order to hit on her).
He is rude and brusque at the best of times, and openly hostile and boorish at the worst. He lacks the common sense God gave a four-year-old and is consistently unprepared for missions (by his own admission, he rarely reads his mission briefings and once took a cooler full of beer and kebabs on a mission to stop an ecoterrorist from blowing up a natural gas pipeline).
He is petty and ungracious, and once let a spy from a rival agency drop three stories and shatter his femur just because he tore the sleeve on Archer’s suit. By all accounts, he is an overgrown manchild with mommy issues out the wahzoo who should not be trusted with a credit card or car keys, much less a license to kill.
On the other, there are times where he is surprisingly competent in earning his keep as the world’s greatest secret agent.
He displays an almost savant-like aptitude for the technical aspects of the profession, as shown when he single-handedly defends the daughter of a German billionaire from an attempted kidnapping by dozens of communist agents, or when he goes on a rampage to destroy the mob operation supplying fake chemotherapy compounds to hundreds of ailing cancer patients, or when he organizes his co-workers into participating in an elaborate ruse against dozens of armed henchmen from a rival intelligence agency in an effort to stop a buyout, or when he takes over a pirate ship and makes himself king of its home port…the list goes on and on, really. It makes one wonder just what kind of agent he would be if he gave half a shit about the job.
He’s also not entirely without compassion, as shown when he lets a handful of border patrol agents onto an already overloaded sedan full of Mexican immigrants rather than letting them die of exposure, and is surprisingly well-read for someone who acts so moronically, referencing authors such as O. Henry, Herman Melville, Thoreau, and historical figures such as Eugene Debs. He is also shown to have something of a nerdy side, as he occasionally references Marvel comics and Lord of the Rings characters in casual conversation.
Throughout it all, no matter how good or bad things get, he maintains a consistent sense of arrogance and pomposity, an attitude born of his extreme privilege, wealth, and luck. Many have tried to make him eat humble pie, and just as many have failed.
Just what will make him mend his ways and come out of his narcissistic, self-serving bubble? That, friends, is a question for the ages.
(But it'll probably start with a good swift kick to the balls.)
Setting:
He was told there would be
Take him away from his penthouse, his butler, ISIS, and his mother’s money, and Sterling doesn’t really have a day-to-day. Now that he’ll actually be forced to work (gasp!), he’ll probably take on something of a freelancer tack, gravitating to jobs and characters that could make the most use of his skillset. He will be easily swayed by money, women, and alcohol, as his moral compass won’t really kick in unless he’s asked to do something truly heinous (for example, he won’t steal some granny’s life savings or kidnap a kid just because the money’s good).
Abilities/Skills:
Archer is a normal(-ish) dude with no superpowers or superhuman abilities to his name. Despite that, he is (questionably) proficient in many tradecraft-related skills that would be fitting for a secret agent of his caliber, such as covert infiltration/exfiltration, hand-to-hand combat, tactical driving, asset acquisition and management, and other such covert-ops related skills.
Strengths/Weaknesses:
Strengths:
Archer has an almost godlike ability to flake, scheme, and/or bamboozle his way out of pretty much any situation you put him in. The Sendero Luminoso, the Stasi, Hamas, the KGB, this guy he knows named Popeye - all of them and more have tried to put Archer either in a bamboo-shoot cell or a shallow grave, and all have failed.
(He’d call it “luck of the Irish”, but he’s pretty sure that that’s not all it’s cracked up to be, what with all the potato famines and the PIRA and the Troubles and their genetic inclination to gingerness. Also, he’s not Irish.)
Part of it is genuine competence that kicks in at the best of times. Part of it is - well. Stupidly insane amounts of luck.
Weaknesses:
At the same time, Archer has an almost godlike ability for self-sabotage, botching tactical operations, and otherwise tripping over his own dick on account of his - well, dickishness. His attitude and personality turn many people off to working with him, and there’s also the fact that he’s really not as good a field agent as he could be. If he could just get his ego under control, he’d probably be a great field agent!
But fat chance of that happening.
Like, ever.
Items:
-Walther PPK chambered in .32 ACP in his suit
-a pocket flask full of Glengoolie Blue scotch
-Walther TPH chambered in .22 LR in his underwear (yes really)
-a precisely tailored Savile Row suit and shirt
-Thai silk necktie (spun of the silk of the Saturniidae silkworm)
-exquisitely handmade Italian leather shoes from the shop of the legendary cordwainer Antonio Carbone de Casa di Scarpe Carbone
SAMPLES
Network Sample:
[Sterling Malory Archer does not keep a Facebook page. Sterling Malory Archer does not need a Facebook page. If he wanted to see what a bunch of vapid idiots were up to, he’d watch The View. (Okay, cheap shot and done to death, but still.)
But anyway. This network thing. It’s like social media on Earth, so he can figure it out well enough, right? He’s going to need to - it’s his first day here, and he’s already pretty lost.
Here’s hoping Woodhouse came along for the trip.]
Hey. Has anybody seen my butler? Looks kind of like - I don’t know, the bastard child of Dobby and Harry Patch?
If you have, tell him to meet me in the Ingress, because he’s already late for my morning Bloody Mary.
Actually, just tell me where he is and I’ll come to you.
[
Prose/Action Sample: With Garrett on the TDM!
IC INBOX [THISAVROU]
[OOC: Due to Archer's canonical propensity for voicemail pranks, I feel that giving him a conventional inbox would be a disservice to his character. As a result, his inbox will be set up a little differently!
Comment here as you normally would on any other IC inbox. If I feel it's appropriate, for each of the first three tags, I will roll a 20-sided die. 15 and above will get you a voicemail prank, the exact nature and setup to be ad-libbed by me at the time of threading!]